??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
