can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
