using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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