This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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