I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
