Plan B is the new Plan A
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Randomize
