you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
