He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
