Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
