i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
