I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
