I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
