Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Two words: blizzard sex
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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