I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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