she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
where am i from again
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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