Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
