Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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