dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
