Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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