There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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