So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
