I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
