found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
