the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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