do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
