It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
