It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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