Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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