I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Holy sore nipples Batman
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
