You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
