there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
