my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
