My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
