I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
