don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
are you so shy because you have an std?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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