Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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