Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
