i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
