Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
