Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
