8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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