looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
