I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
