I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
