I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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