i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
