She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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