You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
