Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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