i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
