i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
